Posts Tagged ‘Limp Bizkit’

A Dozen Lousy Album Titles

4 March 2009

Naming an album is an art unto itself. Some artists have a knack for the great handle (witness Bob Dylan, Funkadelic, and Fela Kuti, to name but three) while others struggle with the proper balance of profundity and absurdity. Here are a dozen album titles so historically bad that they set the mind reeling…

George Clinton | Hey Man, Smell My Finger
George Clinton | Hey Man… Smell My Finger – Ummmm…. no thank you Mr. Clinton.

Peaches | Fatherfucker
Peaches | Fatherfucker – Classy gal, that Peaches. Although I must admit that she looks pretty hot in a beard…

REO Speedwagon | You Can Tune A Piano, But You Can't Tuna Fish
REO Speedwagon | You Can Tune A Piano, But You Can’t Tuna Fish – And just in case you didn’t get the horrid pun, the cover features a fish deep-throating a tuning fork…

Spoon | Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga
Spoon | Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga – Spoon is huge with the 2-and-under crowd…

Terence Trent D'Arby | Terence Trent D'Arby Is Neither Fish Nor Flesh
Terence Trent D’Arby | Terence Trent D’Arby Is Neither Fish Nor Flesh – Terence Trent D’Arby is however, a pompous ass…

Fiona Apple | When The Pawn Hits...
Fiona Apple | When the Pawn Hits The Conflicts He Thinks Like A King What He Knows Throws The Blows When He Goes To The Fight And He’ll Win The Whole Thing Fore He Enters The Ring There’s No Body To Batter When Your Mind Is Your Might So When You Go Solo, You Hold Your Own Hand And Remember That Depth Is The Greatest Of Heights And If You Know Where You Stand, Then You’ll Know Where To Land And If You Fall It Won’t Matter, Cuz You Know That You’re Right – Fiona needs an army of patient editors, and a satchel of strong medication…

Insane Clown Posse | Jugganauts: The Best Of
Insane Clown Posse | Jugganauts: The Best Of The Insane Clown Posse – Unless someone has recently switched up the meaning of the word ‘best’ – or this CD contains 70 minutes of silence – I’m afraid we’ve got some issues here.

Limp Bizkit | Chocolate Starfish & The Hot Dog Flavored Water
Limp Bizkit | Chocolate Starfish & The Hot Dog Flavored Water – Fred Durst is such a laughable dick that sometimes I miss the big lug. Cracked.com called this “the Sgt. Pepper of horrible album titles” and who am I to argue with an assessment like that?

King Crimson | Lark's Tongues In Aspic
King Crimson | Larks’ Tongues In Aspic – Mmmmm… prog rock. Let the taste of it roll around your mouth for a minute. As my grandmother used to say, nothing goes better with Larks’ Tongues In Aspic than a nice tall glass of hot dog flavored water…

Blink 182 | Enema Of The State
Blink 182 | Enema Of The State – HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA… enema.

Butthole Surfers | Electric Larryland
Butthole Surfers | Electric Larryland – I know, I know… expecting anything more from a band called the Butthole Surfers is akin to waiting for a monkey to type up Hamlet. But holy hell, will you noise-spewing hillbillies please leave Jimi Hendrix out of it?

Yes | Tormato
Yes | Tormato – What do you get when you cross a tornado with a tomato? That’s right, crappy prog rock that will put you to sleep…

*****

Meaningless Info Dept: This is the 500th post on this blog!

Purge

14 June 2008

We all make mistakes. Some are of the fleeting, spilled-milk variety, while others linger and mock. A number of my least favorite mistakes have been staring at me from the comfort of my cd shelves for years – reminding me of that poor impulse purchase, the unfortunately recommended album, or the ‘what the hell was I thinking‘ snafu. I have too many of these taking up space in the permanent collection.

Well, this week I finally got around to purging a couple of hundred cds. It’s been a long time coming, and not a job I’ve been looking forward to. I’ve changed my mind about albums in the past, and the thought that I could be tossing out one of my future favorites has always given me pause. But sometimes you just have to say goodbye.

Here are a dozen albums I decided to send packing…

Shabba Ranks - album
Shabba Ranks * Rough & Ready Vol. II – ME NO WANNA ROCK THE SHABBA RANKS STYLEE!!!


Belly * Star – This one was a gas for about 10 minutes in the early-90′s. And then my music collection grew beyond 25 cds…

Metallica - album
Metallica * S&M - Can’t… stop… laughing…

Joanna Newsom - album
Joanna Newsom * The Milk Eyed Mender – AKA The Bad Voiced Singer.

Wallflowers - album
The Wallflowers * Bringing Down The Horse – For pretty much the same reasons we don’t have the plumber’s kid in here fixing the toilets.

R.E.M. - album
R.E.M. * Monster – My limited interest in R.E.M. doesn’t really extend beyond Murmur. I’m not even sure how this one wormed its way into the collection. Mr Stipe, the bouncer will now see you to the door…


The Cult * Ceremony – I thought one lousy Cult album was enough for our collection, so I kept Sonic Temple and pitched this one.


Limp Bizkit * Three Dollar Bill, Y’all$ – Take your shots now jerkos, because this one is crapper-bound. And I understand that behind your jeers and jests lies the insecurity of those who weren’t cool enough to own a Limp Bizkit album… fo shizzle…

AFI - album
AFI * Sing The Sorrow – Because these guys are local, and kinda scary, I’m just going to say that I respectfully decline to continue owning this album. But thank you anyway…

Erasure - album
Erasure * Crackers International – I spent $5.95 for an Erasure ep during college, when that kind of money actually meant something. I’d like to go back in time and slap myself…

Air - album
Air * Pocket Symphony - Kind of boring, but I’m actually ditching this one because we have two copies. These things happen when your music collection is scattered and unorganized – hence the purge…

Sahara Hotnights - album
Sahara Hot Nights * Kiss & Tell – This one was a freebie, but that doesn’t make it right…

Cranberries - album
The Cranberries * Bury The Hatchet – On second thought, I take this one back. Where do I buy a cd-frame?

*****

AND THE OBVIOUS QUESTION: What’s the worst cd currently hanging out in your music collection?


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 96 other followers