Jeepers Creepers: 13 Albums That Will Scare The Hell Out Of You

Throw away your spooky Halloween sound effects records and pull up a chair. Here are 13 albums that will make your skin crawl and send your trick-or-treaters running for the hills. Of course, nearly any metal album will accomplish the same feat, but that’s almost too easy. These albums might not be face-melting metal, but they’re soaked in innocent blood just the same…

Suicide * Suicide (first album)

Atmosphere: Angry and masochistic.

Telling lyric: “Frankie is so desperate/He’s gonna kill his wife and kids” ['Frankie Teardrop']

Scarier than: A skeleton on a string.

Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds * Murder Ballads

Atmosphere: Looking down the barrel of a gun.

Telling lyric: “As I kissed her goodbye, I said, ‘All beauty must die’
/And bent down and planted a rose between her teeth” ['Where The Wild Roses Grow']

Scarier than: Al Gore’s beard.

Alice In Chains * Dirt

Atmosphere: Hopeless, strung-out heroin addiction.

Telling lyric: “Some say we’re born into the grave/I feel so alone/Gonna end up a big ole pile a them bones” ['Them Bones']

Scarier than: Jason Voorhees.

Various Artists * Natural Born Killers Soundtrack

Atmosphere: Psychotic misanthropy.

Telling lyric: “This world rejects me/This world threw me away/This world never gave me a chance/This world gonna have to pay” [Nine Inch Nails, 'Burn']

Scarier than: A switchblade covered in blood.

Tom Waits * Bone Machine

Atmosphere: Enviromental apocalypse and burning embers.

Telling lyric: “The lion has three heads/And someone will eat the skin that he sheds/And the earth died screaming” ['Earth Died Screaming']

Scarier than: A razor blade embedded in a popcorn ball.

Joy Division * Closer

Atmosphere: Suicidal despair.

Telling lyric: “You’ll see the horrors of a faraway place/Meet the architects of law face to face/See mass murder on a scale you’ve never seen” ['Atrocity Exhibition']

Scarier than: A body swinging by a noose.

Charles Manson * LIE: The Love & Terror Cult

Atmosphere: Sunshine-y 60′s pop.

Telling lyric: “Pretty girl, pretty, pretty girl/Cease to exist/Just come and say you love me/Give up your world” ['Cease To Exist']

Scarier than: A swastika tattoo.

Alice Cooper * Killer

Atmosphere: A theatrical horrorshow.

Telling lyric: “I crossed the ocean/Where no one could see/And I put a time-bomb/In your submarine” ['Halo Of Flies']

Scarier than: A goblin named Vince.

Jello Biafra with D.O.A. * Last Scream Of The Missing Neighbors

Atmosphere: Maniacally paranoid, with a side order of Jello.

Telling lyric: “Better lock your doors, buy some guns and pray for martial law in Washington D.C.” ['Full Metal Jackoff']

Scarier than: A greenpeace activist at the door.

Bauhaus * Burning From The Inside

Atmosphere: Deep inside a vampire’s lair.

Telling lyric: “And when I’m lying in the grey sleep/I don’t know how to walk the boards/I open my eyes, and look at the floor/And now I don’t see you anymore” ['Burning From The Inside']

Scarier than: An acre of rotting flesh.

The Soft Boys * Underwater Moonlight

Atmosphere: Schizophrenic rage.

Telling lyric: “And when I have destroyed you/I’ll come picking at your bone/And you won’t have a single atom left/To call your own” ['I Wanna Destroy You']

Scarier than: A disemboweled, beating heart.

Dr. John * Gris Gris

Atmosphere: Deep dark voodoo.

Telling lyric: “They call me, Dr. John, The Night Tripper/Got my sizzling Gris-Gris in my hand/Day trippin’ up, back down by you/I’m the last of the best” ['Gris Gris Gumbo Ya Ya']

Scarier than: A shrunken head.

Screamin’ Jay Hawkins * Frenzy

Atmosphere: Larger-than-life evil.

Telling lyric: “Take the blood out of an alligator/Take the left eye of a fish, yeah/Take the skin off of a frog, yeah/And mix it up in a dish” ['Alligator Wine']

Scarier than: A warm bucket of blood.

*****

[The P and I have road-tested at least half of these albums in Halloweens past, to great success. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got knives to sharpen and graves to dig...]

Here’s another list of creepy albums.

*****

Masterpiece: Damaged

[Today: On my little brother's 35th birthday, a salute to him and one of his favorite albums...]

My brother is one of the coolest people I know. He’s three years younger than me, and for a couple of years when I was in middle school he was my punching bag any time we had a dispute. But he got tired of that and started seriously hitting the weights when he was in early middle school. Could bench press 200lbs by the time he was in 8th grade, nearly 400lbs by 10th grade (!) – and hasn’t been anybody’s punching bag since.

He and I were as different as could be during our teenage years – me straight-laced, preppy, and happy-go-lucky; he punked out and layered in muscle and anger – and we used to brawl. We busted holes in the walls (“This isn’t a goddamned flophouse!” our mom screamed at us after that one), broke furniture, and nearly each other. But one day things went over the line and it was suddenly clear that one of us was going to get seriously hurt. We both sensed it and backed off, shook hands, and walked away – and have been genuinely good friends ever since.

Our musical preferences of the time perfectly encapsulated our differences. I liked Prince, INXS, AC/DC and other mainstream 80′s rockers, while he was into Black Flag, Circle Jerks, Dead Kennedys, The Clash and their ilk. I’m not afraid to admit that these albums scared me back then. The album covers alone (especially Black Flag’s) were designed to cause uneasiness, and they worked their magic on me. But there were elements of his punk fixation that greatly amused me – particularly the time he came home with a full-on mohawk that his friend Wes had given him. This was back when said haircut was still very anti-social and scary. Mom was delighted about that.

He’s gone through a number of phases since then (haven’t we all?): from punker to football player to scholar to MBA graduate to happily married father of three. He recently hiked the Grand Canyon rim to rim in a day, ran a marathon, and lost 50lbs in the space of a year. I’ve learned to not be surprised by anything my brother does, but he still comes up with a doozy every now and again – one of which was literally up his sleeve.

One day right around the time he was wrapping up college, he took me aside at our Mom’s house – “Hey man, I want to show you something” he said. I expected it to be another report card full of A’s, or a complicated economics graph I wouldn’t understand, so I was shocked when he rolled up his sleeve to show me a brand new tattoo on his shoulder. It was four simple black bars, slightly out of alignment, forming the Black Flag logo. “What do you think of that?” he asked.

I think it kicks ass.

Listen: Rise Above

Buried Treasure: Rat Music For Rat People, Volumes I, II, & III

[Today: Exhibit A in defense of punk music during the 80's...]

“Watergate is legal now!” rants Jello Biafra, like a man who’s seen the truth 20 years before the rest of us. The Dead Kennedys’ track ‘I Am The Owl’ – a claustrophobic rush of political sloganeering and paranoid teenage angst – is but one of 27 punk gems collected on Rat Music For Rat People, Volumes I, II, & III. These volumes were sold separately on vinyl between 1982 and 1987, and were released as a single disc compilation for a heartbeat in the late 80′s, but all versions are out of print today. A crying shame, because Rat Music proves that contrary to popular belief, punk didn’t wither up during the 80′s, it just went underground.

The bands collected here showcase the many splinter directions that the genre would take during the decade. D.O.A. (metal), Flipper (sludgy proto-grunge), Bad Brains (speed metal/reggae), Butthole Surfers (psychedelic noise), Mojo Nixon & Skid Roper (novelty), and Avengers (pop punk) all took vastly different roads to arrive in the same section of the record store, but this collection seamlessly fuses their disparate musical visions, and shows again and again how punk music at its best could artfully and humorously deliver a real message in a way that rock forgot during the “me” decade.

Toss in songs by Black Flag, Circle Jerks, T.S.O.L., Minutemen, Corosion Of Conformity, D.R.I., Dils, and a handful of lesser known (but equally flammable) upstarts, and you’ve got the makings for one of the very best punk compilations of all-time, and the missing link(s) between the storied punk pioneers of the 70′s and the pampered, platinum-selling punks of the 90′s.

Listen: I Am The Owl

The P Speaks: My Crush on Andrew Kuo

I don’t know much about Andrew Kuo, but I like what I see.

Mr. Kuo is an artist and rock blogger whose work shows up in the New York Times on occasion.

Today’s Times has devoted a full page in the Arts + Leisure Suit section to Mr. Kuo’s graphic journal of the summer of shows at the McCarren Park Pool in Brooklyn. I appreciate his obsessive ‘charting’ of length of sets, length of lines, and less common metrics for show reviews, like the number of times he ate watermelon during the summer series. His visual portrayals remind me of a whimsical Edward Tufte, who was once described by the Times as the “Leonardo da Vinci of data.”

I can’t do justice – in words – to what AK has created graphically, so go take a look for yourself… No Lifeguard on Duty

Here’s a linkie to his blog-o-rama.

Op-Ed: Punk’s Dream Deferred

“What happens to a dream deferred? Does it dry up – like a raisin in the sun? Or fester like a sore – And then run? Does it stink like rotten meat? Or crust and sugar over – like a syrupy sweet? Maybe it just sags – like a heavy load. Or does it explode?” – Langston Hughes

Today marks the 30th anniversary of the release of Never Mind The Bollocks Here’s The Sex Pistols. The Pistols’ express purpose was to destroy the music industry from within, but after this lone LP and a disastrous tour of the United States, it was the band who bit the big one. Bollocks… effectively painted them into a corner regarding their nihilistic rhetoric. It was a great – ridiculously great – album, but it was still just amped up rock & roll, and it didn’t really change anything. The industry didn’t die. It fed on the corpse of The Pistols and their punk brethren, and continues to do so, in the form of re-issues, compilations, and box sets. Rather than killing the giant, punk music ended up nourishing it and helping it grow like Jack’s beanstalk.

Thirty years to the month after The Pistols released their manifesto, another – albeit less surly and antagonistic – British band has stuck a well-placed, perhaps fatal, dagger into a reeling, bloated industry. By making their new album, In Rainbows, available for download online, allowing fans to decide what (or if) to pay for it, and circumventing the industry altogether, Radiohead have plucked a DIY chord that other artists seem eager to emulate. Nine Inch Nails and Madonna have already announced plans to do likewise and release subsequent albums independently. Many others are sure to follow suit.

Whether this can become a realistic business template for less established artists remains to be determined. But one thing is clear: by setting up a simple website and giving their music to their fans, Radiohead have struck a major blow for artistic control, and changed the way that musicians will do business with their fans in the future.

It’s an accomplishment that every punk can applaud – and be downright envious of.

Listen: House Of Cards

Concert Review: Infiltrator On “E” St.

Last night I went and saw Bruce Springsteen at the Oakland Arena. For those who know me well, this is probably the third most suprising statement that I could put into print (right behind “the sex change operation was a success” and “here’s my new cell phone number”). In other words, I’ve never been a particular fan of his music. But I decided to go for three reasons: 1) Springsteen is a living legend, and I just wanted to see the guy do his thing, 2) So nobody could ever again tell me that I don’t “get” his music because I’ve never seen him live, and 3) My friend Aram is a raving Springsteen fan, and he offered me the ticket. I figured if I was ever going to catch “the vibe”, this would be the time.

I can say with utter certainty that before last night, I’d never been to show where I didn’t recognize a single song until the encore. No joke. It is truly a strange feeling to be in an arena full of people and think “the only other person here who doesn’t know the words to this song is the 9-year old kid two seats over. And he might.” So that taxed my enjoyment a bit. However, there was a 60 year-old Gallagher look-alike in the GA section on the floor who spent most of the evening either posing like an opera singer (slow songs), prancing about like a ballet dancer (mid-tempo numbers) or spinning around like an insane, curly-haired top. He made life miserable for everyone around him, and provided me with roughly 33% of the value of my (not inconsiderable) entertainment dollar. For all I know, it was Gallagher. Bravo to you sir, whoever you were.

One thing that became clear to me as the evening wore on is that a guitar in Springsteen’s hands is merely a prop to direct his band or incite the crowd. In fact, I started to wonder if he was even plugged in. For all his guitar histrionics, his actions on the strings never actually changed the sound of the music coming through the PA. Call me crazy, call me deaf, but he uses the guitar the way David Lee Roth uses blond bimbos – to great effect and little consequence. [Insert your own male enhancement joke here].

But that doesn’t mean that herr Boss doesn’t still have the magic. On one number, the band sparked up the intro to ZZ Top’s ‘La Grange’ and Bruce went off on the harmonica, unleashing a series of bluesy riffs that sent shivers through the crowd. In the blink of an eye, 35 years melted away, and suddenly it was easy to see the guy that played his ass off every night in third rate bars along the East Coast, scrapping to make a name for himself.

And then there were the encores. As I said, I didn’t recognize a single tune until the band lit into ‘Thunder Road’ and drove the crowd into ecstasy. This was followed by a ballistic version of ‘Born To Run’ – played with the house lights up, and the crowd going into revelries. And at that point, with everyone singing along, and Bruce helping 10,000 people trade their wheels for wings, you didn’t have to be a fan to get serious goosebumps.

On The Fence: Journeyman

Is Journeyman Eric Clapton’s last mediocre album of the 80′s, or his first great album of the 90′s? As always, your cornucopia of colorful and clever commentary will help me crack the Clapton quandry…

THUMBS UP: The 80′s weren’t kind to Eric Clapton. He released many of the worst albums of his career, often utilizing drum machines and synthesizers. But he followed the success of his retrospective box set Crossroads with this album, and it revitalized his career – many critics called it his best work since the 70′s, and rightfully so. Journeyman is far from a perfect album, but it has a number of bright spots, including Clapton’s fierce guitar on ‘Bad Love’ (which he co-wrote with Mick Jones), and his blues covers, which were a welcome tonic after a run of distinctly non-blues related releases. Even though it hit the shelves in November of 1989, this is Clapton’s first 90′s album in the sense that it saw him regain his footing and revisit areas of his music that had gone unexplored for far too long.

THUMBS DOWN: Its very title is a concession to the mediocrity that had befallen Clapton, but Journeyman is the album where he pulled his career out of a major tailspin. However, its obvious warts confine it to a dusty corner of his catologue, even if those flaws are mainly production-related. ‘Pretending’ is particularly drenched in audio polish, and while the blues material here pointed him back towards a winning career path, it’s done in by the aforementioned sheen. And there is simply no excuse for his cover of ‘Hound Dog’ – it’s one of the very worst efforts of his long career. Finally, the best songs on this album got the acoustic treatment on Unplugged a few years later, and in every case the later versions are superior, so why bother? Journeyman shines compared to what came immediately before it, but pales next to what came immediately after.

[Are you the kind of person that tries to reason with schizophrenic homeless people who debate the meaning of Eric Clapton albums with themselves?? Then you've got what it takes to leave a comment in the little box below...]

Masterpiece: Grace

[Today: Jeff Buckley's heartbreaking last goodbye...]

When does the word ‘goodbye’ turn into a howling banshee that stalks your soul and haunts you day and night? It happens the minute true love leaves your life for good. The greatest cliche says that “time heals all wounds” but in truth some wounds are not meant to heal. Some loves are simply too big to “get over” and will – should – always hold a special chamber in the deepest recesses of the heart. For what is true love if not a complete and sincere surrender of the soul unto another being? And if this is true, can that great truth really be nullified by the simple act of absence?

Jeff Buckley didn’t think so. On Grace, he sings like a fallen angel, drawing notes out to excruciatingly fantastic lengths and ranging between highs and lows in the blink of an eye. Each track cuts to the quick about love lost (including the definitive reading of Leonard Cohen’s ‘Hallelujah’) and the entire album is nothing less than the sound of a human heart falling to pieces, one fragile, intricate piece at a time. “This is our last embrace. Must I dream and always see your face?” he sings, like a man who knows bloody goodbyes.

Buckley drowned in the Mississippi River the day before he was due to begin recording his second album. His untimely death at age 30 left us with only Grace, and ensured that his legacy would forever be tied to this one majestic, breathtaking, and tear-stained album.

Listen: Hallelujah

Buried Treasure: Passion

[Today: Peter Gabriel scores the life and times of Jesus, and creates a world music gem...]

Not exactly a soundtrack, and not exactly a Peter Gabriel album, Passion is nonetheless one of the most enchanting world music albums to be found in print. It technically isn’t the soundtrack to Martin Scorsese’s Last Temptation Of Christ – rather it expands on the music that Gabriel produced for that movie. Featuring the contributions of an all-star cast of world music titans, including Nusrat Fateh Ali Kahn, Youssou N’Dour, and Baaba Maal, it’s a swirling kaleidoscope of musical textures and moods that is a Peter Gabriel album in name only. In fact, Gabriel doesn’t even appear in the musical credits for several of the tracks.

The individual songs are built off sketches of centuries’ old middle eastern musical themes. A mountain of polished adjectives couldn’t begin to describe this music as effectively as a partial list of instruments used: Turkish ney flute, tabla, kementche, finger cymbals, Kurdish duduk. The album is a vast repository of striking, exotic sounds and intense instrumental performances. The finished product was the work of musicians from more than a dozen countries, making this a world music album in the truest sense of the term.

In his brief liner notes that accompany the album, Gabriel expresses his heartfelt thanks to the musicians who played on it. “We recorded some of the finest singers and soloists in the field of world music,” he writes. “The soundtrack is full of the spirit of their performances.” It’s a spirit that will live on long after the movie that inspired it has faded from public memory.

Listen: Of These, Hope

Random Propaganda VII

The P is off running a half-marathon, the cats just got their breakfast, and it’s shaping up to be a beautiful Sunday morning in Oakland. Sounds like the perfect time to flip on the cd changers and see what they throw at me. As always, if this doesn’t turn out well, you won’t have to know about it. Let’s get rolling:

8:58 am: Massive Attack * Remixes & B-sides – An album I picked up off the work server, I’m not even sure if this is a real release or someone’s homemade Massive Attack mix. At any rate, I’m hearing a version of ‘Karma Coma’ that sounds like it’s being sung in Russian – actually pretty cool, especially the tasty violins that are adding some nice texture. Very hard to go wrong with Massive Attack…

9:04 am: Various Artists * I Heart Serge – This is an electronica tribute to Serge Gainsbourg, and I’m currently hearing Bob Sinclair’s version of ‘Marabout’. Never much of a Gainsbourg fan – in spite of repeated prodding from several acquaintences – I actually like this compilation a lot. His music translates well to electronica, and many of the tracks on this album are handled pretty deftly by the artists in question, which include Herbert, Dzihan & Kamien, and The Orb, among others.

9:10 am: Treacherous Three featuring Kool Moe Dee * Turn It Up – This compilation collects tracks recorded by this classic hip-hop trio between 1982 and 1984 . Even though this is deep old-skool rap, and the tracks can sometimes go on a bit too long, this album is marked by heavy beats and tight rhymes – particularly Kool Moe Dee, who’s razor sharp throughout.

9:18 am: Iggy & The Stooges * Live In LA ’73 – If you’re looking for a crystal clear, soundboard quality show of The Stooges at their peak, then run screaming from this album. Captured in all its ragged glory, this September 16, 1973 show from the Whisky A Go Go is a compelling document of what made this band so freaking great. Currently up is a 13-minute version of ‘Open Up And Bleed’ – complete with excellent blues harmonica and Iggy’s trademark yowling. Not for the faint of heart, but for those so inclined, it’s not to be missed.

9:31 am: The Yardbirds * Roger The Engineer – One of the best albums by one of the very best British blues bands. That said, the track I’m hearing sounds like the Beach Boys refractred through swinging London – not so good.

9:33 am: Nirvana * With The Lights Out (disc 2) – This three disc (plus DVD) set from 2004 is a pretty amazing – if not entirely definitive – collection of Nirvana outtakes, B-sides, radio appearances, and interesting ephemera. Like much of the band’s studio recordings, this is the musical equivalent of picking at an exposed nerve ending – Kurt Cobain shreiks, the feedback wails, I smile…

9:36 am: PJ Harvey * Uh Huh Her – PJ Harvey just keeps cranking out excellent albums, and this joint from 2004 is no exception. Pitched halfway between the bitter defiance of ‘Dry’ and the homicidal anger of ‘To Bring You My Love’, this is a fine (if somewhat underrated) place to dip into Harvey’s uniquely twisted take on the dirty blues.

9:41 am: Kermit Ruffins * Hold On Tight – Big shoutout to Dave Rosen on this one – I wouldn’t have the slightest idea who Kermit Ruffins was if it weren’t for his dogged persistence in sharing all things funky. This 1996 album swings with a richness that belies Ruffins’ youth – he was but 32 when it was recorded.

9:43 am: The Saints * (I’m) Stranded – An amazing album from a tragically overlooked band. Their version of Ike & Tina’s ‘River Deep Mountain High’ (currently blasting away) is a terrific reading of a classic track, and worth the price of admission alone.

9:47 am: Thin Lizzy * Jailbreak – This band is unfairly marked by their 1976 mega-hit ‘The Boys Are Back In Town’. Their sound ranged from utterly soulful to ripping hard rock, so it’s a shame that they’ve been pigeon-holed by one song. They had a four or five album run in the mid-70′s that produced some of the best hard rock of that decade. If you’re only familiar with the big hit, do yourself a favor and dig a little deeper.

9:51 am: XTC * Upsy Daisy Assortment – This is a band I’ve warmed up to considerably over the last couple of years. Their early, punk-ier stuff is very, very good – easily some of the most tuneful punk (or post-punk, depending on how you’re scoring at home) you’re likely to hear. ‘Making Plans For Nigel’ is currently up, and it’s one of the truly great songs of its time – soaked in paranoia, with one of the catchiest riffs ever captured on tape. The changers have officially entered ‘en fuego’ territory with this selection…

9:55 am: Marvin Gaye * I Want You (Deluxe Edition, disc 2) – This was a curious choice for the Deluxe Edition treatment. Not nearly one of his best albums, it’s probably as close as he came to making an out-and-out disco album. Very enjoyable, but clearly lacking the substance of What’s Going On or even Let’s Get It On. That said, it was still my pick as the 19th best album of 1976 – what a year!

9:59 am: James Brown * Black Caesar Soundtrack – JB + blaxploitation = a smokin’ Sunday morning!

10:04 am: Gorillaz * Demon Days – Gorillaz’ sophomore effort cashed in big time on the potential of their highly-touted debut, and featured ‘Dirty Harry’ – hands down the finest single of 2005. The track now up – ‘El Manana’ – combines a celestial choir with lots of echo effects and tape loops. You never know what you’ll hear with these guys, but it’s always interesting and usually sounds great.

10:08 am: Various Artists * Until The End Of The World Soundtrack – A really terrific soundtrack that pulls together a lot of artists (like U2 and R.E.M.) who were ‘indie’ during the 80′s, and perched on the verge of superstardom entering the 90′s. Unfortunately, I’m hearing the Elvis Costello track, and he’s never been one of my favorites, so right now this one is about as much fun as standing in line at the grocery store…

10:13 am: Gomez * Live show from unnamed local venue, on unnamed date – My friend Icabod (unfortunately not his real name) enjoys taping as much of the live music in the area as he can make it out to. Fortunately, the P and I are on his mailing list, so we receive a package of live gems in the mail every few weeks or so. I think he had permission to tape this one (it’s definitely soundboard quality), but I’m not taking any chances and mentioning names, just in case it was a rogue operation. And oh by the way, Gomez is a pretty great band that never seems to get the ink they deserve. Three members of this group can legitimately sing, and they put on a heck of a live show – recommended.

10:19 am: Don Letts presents The Mighty Trojan Sound (disc 2) – Punk and Reggae impressario and DJ Don Letts picks his favorites from Trojan’s tunnel-to-China deep back catalog of reggae music. It’s hard to specifically recommend this compilation, what with all the great and affordable Trojan box sets that are on the market, but it’s a good collection and an enjoyable listen.

10:22 am: Neu! * Neu! 2 – The legend of Neu! has been previously discussed, but hearing this album leaves me wondering if Krautrock by definition must sound like it’s speeding down the Autobahn in a metallic, twitchy car from the future that can go either 12 miles an hour or 135 miles an hour, but nothing in between. This song sounds like it could go on for days, so this is probably as good a time as any for this Yank to unplug and go watch some American football…